Monday, May 31, 2010
Up A Tree
1:48 PM |
Posted by
Neiswonger_Jeni |
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It is ten o’clock in the morning. The sun is shining through the parted curtains flooding the room with warm morning light. The walls are painted a soft blue, not a baby blue but the color a young man wouldn’t mind. There were trophies scattered around, a collection of pictures framing the mirror and a twin bed neatly made with everything but its pillow. It all seemed so still and quiet. She sat on the bed, carefully groomed for the day and holding a letter in her hands. She delicately unfolded the white page and began to read the blue cursive writing.
Pushing his dinner plate away he snapped, “Fix me another!”
A smile formed on her face as the words escaped with an eager tone, “Gladly.”
If it had crossed her mind of how it appeared she may have felt silly, a grown woman up in a tree like an adventurous child, but she didn’t give a care in the world what people thought. Feeling the gentle breeze slipping through the trees her skin seemed to dance in the embrace. Her lungs took it all in filling the newly vacant spot which moments ago was filled with a knot of tangled silence. With one arm she embraced the trunk like an arm around the shoulder of a friend and with the other she waved her hand in the air like a Pentecostal on Sunday morning. Feeling the dance go on around her as the breeze blew through her blouse and hair it initiated every bit of her like fire flies in the warm summer evenings. The letter in her pocket seemed to rip to shreds and float away. She leaned her head back, felt the glory of where she was and knew that she was never going to let her feet touch the ground again.
Dear Mom,
I lay in my bed last night thinking about how I could possibly repay you for
all you have done for me. You made my dreams possible. Now that I head
off to college and begin my future I find myself thinking of you. I am excited
to start this new adventure of my life but I am torn about leaving you. What
could I ever do to show you how much you mean to me? It came to me
somewhere between midnight and three… Be happy mom! Start to dream
again. Soar beyond this home you have allowed him to imprison you to and
begin your life. Nothing here holds you back anymore. Let me give you the
permission to think of you now. You thought long enough about
everyone else.
Your son,
Tim
Tim
Tears rolled down her face as she read the letter. Her body felt numb. Folding it back into its previous shape she tucked it away in her pocket. She didn’t move. Thoughts about the years rushed into her mind and thoughts about the letter. How did she end up here? She was married to an angry bitter man who offered her nothing but bruises and belittling. Her only child was out of the nest and beginning his new life. The last twenty years seemed so empty now. She was thirty-eight, had no career and her family had long ago stopped coming to visit.
Lying back on the bed she curled up and pulled her knees up to her chest. Her mind began to drift. It started off so simple. She was sixteen years old with a pony tail and a baseball mitt; spending her afternoons playing ball and climbing trees. One day while high in the tallest tree branches throwing pieces of bark as far as they would allow and watching them fall, he made his first appearance. Branches below began to crack and out popped his head.
He asked, “What are you doing up here?”
“Nothin’,” She snapped back.
He said, “I’m Joe. My dad and I just moved in town today. What’s a girl doing in a tree? This is no place for a girl. You might be half descent if you cleaned yourself up.” His tone was strong and assertive. This tone would ring throughout their future.
He was cute and the first boy to see her as more than a good right arm. She didn’t realize it then but that was the day she was grounded. Joe came into her life, knocked her out of that tree and on to the ground. Today she remains in the same place under his shadow so many years later. Who could blame her for letting it happen? She wanted to feel pretty and saw this as her escape from the tom-boy image. Up until then she could only daydreamed of dances and jealous girls. Jumping at the chance she did her best to do as he said. She acted like a girl, dressed like a girl and followed his every command. Years went by and she was still under his dictatorship. Grounded.
Opening her eyes and rolling over, her hand reached for the note. Glancing at it one more time, she looked back in time and forward simultaneously. Something was going to give. The moment felt a little like the seconds before a title wave when the shore pulls back exposing what was hidden below, the birds stop singing and all becomes still while a monster brews just out of sight. It had to change. She wanted to feel free. Attempts to leave him before were never successful but today she felt different.
The afternoon flew by. She did her chores and prepared dinner; the entire time thinking back to when she and Joe met and that tall tree. The day seemed longer than normal. It was so lonely.
As the sun began to get lower in the sky all of the household tasks were complete. She sat at the set dining table with the cloth napkins and candle sticks. He was late again. The air hung in a tranquil silence and her mind was somewhere else. It changed when his car pulled into the driveway. Something that was resting in her chest for all these years began to tap at her throat wanting out. Trying to avoid this intruder she snapped into her role and scurried to warm his dinner which was waiting in the microwave. Hurrying back to the table she placed the plate down in his spot and was lighting the last candles as he opened the door. Her muscles became tense as the storm was brewing inside of her. She straightened his napkin, which was already perfectly straight, and kept her eyes down as he took his place in the king’s chair. He let out a sigh.
Her soft voice rose to greet him, “I hope you had a good day, dear.”
He responded harshly, “You have no idea how easy you have it. I work all day and you just sit around this house. What I wouldn’t give for a taste of your freedom.”
He sighs again. Looking down at the table he says, “Dam it! Can’t you see I need a drink? Shit, you are an idiot!”
Her body remained still for a moment while the wave rushed from the depths and flooded her mind.
“What the hell is wrong with you? Get off your fat ass and make me a drink!”
Her soft blue eyes turned toward him. If he had ever seen her before in all these years he would have noticed something was different. Replying with a grin she said, “Yes dear.”
She stood up and walked to the kitchen in no particular hurry, slow and steady, like the surge from a monster wave once it hit. Removing the tonic and vodka from the cabinet she places in on the counter.
He yells from the dining room, “Hurry the hell up! Can’t you bring yourself to do anything right?”
The words began to blur with the storm in her mind, twisting in a catastrophic mess. She poured the vodka and tonic, dropped two ice cubes into the glass and then she opened the medicine drawer. Fumbling around for the right remedy she found a nearly full bottle of sedatives from her husband’s doctor. She added two to his drink almost without thinking. Mixing it with her finger she watched it all dissolve away. It felt mechanical.
Avoiding eye contact, her hand delivers the drink. The clanging of his fork against the plate and his constant complaining didn’t seem so bad now. Sitting in her seat at the table she knew something had started and she was finally ready to finish it.
Pushing his dinner plate away he snapped, “Fix me another!”
A smile formed on her face as the words escaped with an eager tone, “Gladly.”
He looked at her a moment and said, “Wipe that stupid look off your face.”
The evening went on with drink after drink and pill after pill. The late summer sun was beginning to hide behind the mountain but its tip still peeked over the horizon like a child afraid to sleep because it may miss something exciting. Walking out of the kitchen with drink number six and the sound of ice clanking in the glass; she sees her husband passed out in the recliner with the remote control in his hand. The evening news was shouting at her as she turned it off. Gingerly walking up to him her finger gave him a poke. Nothing. A little harder this time she poked him again. He didn’t stir. She sat down on the sofa next to his chair and put her hand over her pocket remembering the note. Taking a pillow off the couch she stood-up and positioned her body directly in front of her husband. The wave rushed forward and it carried the pillow to his lifeless face. Her hands held it there until the surge was gone and her chest felt free. He never moved. He just stopped breathing. She placed the pillow back where it belonged and straightened it into its perfect spot.
Walking back to the kitchen she emptied his glass and grabbed the barren bottle of pills. She wiped her finger prints off, carried the bottle and his glass back to his limp hand. There she imprinted his finger prints and left the items on the table beside his chair. She stood-up and fixed her hair. Looking at him a moment she turns on her heals and heads for the door. It was nice outside and the sun offered just enough light for her to feel warm but it was well hidden behind the mountains. She looked around, found the tallest tree within fifty yards and began to run as a child with a kite. Kicking off her shoes she climbed to the top, branch by branch and limb by limb so fast one would have thought it was some sort of race.
If it had crossed her mind of how it appeared she may have felt silly, a grown woman up in a tree like an adventurous child, but she didn’t give a care in the world what people thought. Feeling the gentle breeze slipping through the trees her skin seemed to dance in the embrace. Her lungs took it all in filling the newly vacant spot which moments ago was filled with a knot of tangled silence. With one arm she embraced the trunk like an arm around the shoulder of a friend and with the other she waved her hand in the air like a Pentecostal on Sunday morning. Feeling the dance go on around her as the breeze blew through her blouse and hair it initiated every bit of her like fire flies in the warm summer evenings. The letter in her pocket seemed to rip to shreds and float away. She leaned her head back, felt the glory of where she was and knew that she was never going to let her feet touch the ground again.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
4:11 PM |
Posted by
Neiswonger_Jeni |
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This story has been passed down to me by my father and anyone who knows him has heard it at least once. I decided to put in down on paper. Orginally by Ron Vevoda Sr.
Harry was a simple man who lived with his mother and his black cat named Pretty. He loved his cat more than anything. His mom did not talk much because of a stroke but his cat provided all the companionship he needed. He was planning a business trip and was concern about leaving Pretty overnight. He had never left her overnight before. He loved that cat. Harry called his brother who lived in town and asked if he could stay a few nights with Pretty. His brother agreed and reassured Harry that he would take good care of his furry friend. With much anguish, he left his precious feline in the hands of his brother.
As soon as Harry arrived at his hotel he called to check on Pretty.
His brother answered the phone and abruptly said, “Pretty is dead.”
Harry was shocked! He was silent for a few seconds then yelled, “What happened?”
His brother plainly said, “She got out and got hit by a car.”
Harry was mortified to think of his kitty gone but he was equally upset with the way his brother had broken the news. Harry explained that his brother chose a cruel way to tell him. Harry said, “You could have been kind and gentle. The first time I called you could have said, 'I am sorry. Pretty got out and she is stuck on the roof.' Then next time we talked you could have said you couldn’t get her down and she is sick. Then just before I was headed home you could have told me she died peacefully in her sleep.”
Harry’s brother agreed and said he was a bit insensitive. An awkward moment passed and Harry asked, “How’s mom?”
His brother replied, “She’s on the roof."
Harry was a simple man who lived with his mother and his black cat named Pretty. He loved his cat more than anything. His mom did not talk much because of a stroke but his cat provided all the companionship he needed. He was planning a business trip and was concern about leaving Pretty overnight. He had never left her overnight before. He loved that cat. Harry called his brother who lived in town and asked if he could stay a few nights with Pretty. His brother agreed and reassured Harry that he would take good care of his furry friend. With much anguish, he left his precious feline in the hands of his brother.
As soon as Harry arrived at his hotel he called to check on Pretty.
His brother answered the phone and abruptly said, “Pretty is dead.”
Harry was shocked! He was silent for a few seconds then yelled, “What happened?”
His brother plainly said, “She got out and got hit by a car.”
Harry was mortified to think of his kitty gone but he was equally upset with the way his brother had broken the news. Harry explained that his brother chose a cruel way to tell him. Harry said, “You could have been kind and gentle. The first time I called you could have said, 'I am sorry. Pretty got out and she is stuck on the roof.' Then next time we talked you could have said you couldn’t get her down and she is sick. Then just before I was headed home you could have told me she died peacefully in her sleep.”
Harry’s brother agreed and said he was a bit insensitive. An awkward moment passed and Harry asked, “How’s mom?”
His brother replied, “She’s on the roof."
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Fight to Change and Glory in Your Transformation
12:44 PM |
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Neiswonger_Jeni |
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I have crawled my way into this cocoon bound on every side. I was born into this world and this family. I had no choice. I am closed off and sealed shut. I could die here like others have or just sleep. I want to pretend that I am happy wrapped away from all harm in the arms of this suffocating thread. Somewhere deep inside I hear a voice say, “Fight!” I could ignore it’s beckoning but the calls ignite a spark of life deep inside my cold body. It is primal. If I listen I have a chance. I can be all I have been designed to be and no longer held back by these walls. My arms and legs are bound up tight extenuating my inability to resist my captive hold. I wiggle. I scoot. The movement creates the friction necessary to warm this cold place and causes me to feel what my liberation may bring. I feel alive again. I scrape and fight. As I dedicate myself to my freedom I have moments when my body and mind grow weary. I stop to rest but keep my ears attentive to the call to continue my battle. It beckons me again, “Fight!” I wiggle and feel an extremity reach out into the liberty beyond this tomb. The hairs on my arm seem to rise to meet the vast expanse which now surrounds my limb. For the first time a portion of the new me is revealed. It is invigorating. It is motivating. Endless moments within the hands of time slip by as I attempt to fully escape this hold. I Fight. I rest and I fight again. I never give up until I find myself totally free. I watch the lump of tangled relationships fall to the ground as I spread my wings far beyond and touch the outer limits of myself. These new found vehicles of independence did not existed before I rested in my captivity. They grew as I became aware of my own ability. A breeze gently blows under my velvet wings lifting my six legs off of the oak branch on which they rested. I feel myself soaring in the sun and look to see other’s like me beginning their journey into the air of independence.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Being Faithful
1:35 PM |
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Neiswonger_Jeni |
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“Where were you last night,” he asked with his cold dark stare while his body was collapsed on the king size bed. I ignored his questioning at first by smiling and rustling my fingers in his hair just like I always do when he gives me the cold shoulder. This always seems to soften him up but not tonight. He did not budge. He just watched me with his eyes, accusing and punishing me for treating him as if he was insignificant. I began to undress out of my work clothes like I usually do. I removed my blouse, began to slip out of my skirt and stopped. Slowly turning back to him I said, “Do you want to say something?” He just stared. I let out a puff which could have been interpreted as a smirk, pulled my skirt back up and walked into the bathroom to change without the heat of his gaze.
I splashed some water on my face and stopped to look at myself in the mirror. “What is wrong with you?” I ask myself while outlining the wrinkles which showed the lack of sleep my body was wearing. I completed my nightly routine then walked past him into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of milk to help me relax then I noticed the present I had bought for him two days before still sitting on the counter. I walked back into the room leaned against the door frame and let out a sigh. I held the modest peace offering behind my back. He did not flinch. I sat on the edge of the bed, leaned down close to his face and softly asked, “Will this help?” I held up a twisted braid of cow-hide leather. He jumps to his feet, tips his lips up a little in the corner, takes the treat and hits me with his wagging tail as he heads to his corner of the bed for the night.
I splashed some water on my face and stopped to look at myself in the mirror. “What is wrong with you?” I ask myself while outlining the wrinkles which showed the lack of sleep my body was wearing. I completed my nightly routine then walked past him into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of milk to help me relax then I noticed the present I had bought for him two days before still sitting on the counter. I walked back into the room leaned against the door frame and let out a sigh. I held the modest peace offering behind my back. He did not flinch. I sat on the edge of the bed, leaned down close to his face and softly asked, “Will this help?” I held up a twisted braid of cow-hide leather. He jumps to his feet, tips his lips up a little in the corner, takes the treat and hits me with his wagging tail as he heads to his corner of the bed for the night.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Princess and Puddles
2:28 PM |
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Neiswonger_Jeni |
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The delivery truck beeped as it backed into the mom and pop shoe store. One box was dropped on the ground waiting for the owner’s attention. He ripped open the box, checked the invoice and then grabbed a pair of shoes. They were a lovely pair of children’s black patent leathers with a rhinestone crown at the buckle. He let out a puff and buffed them on his worn flannel work shirt. Holding the shoes away from of him as he walked, he made his way to the front of the store. The shoes appeared regal emphasized by the way the owner carried them and how they luster in the stores lights. One could almost hear last season’s shoes shout, “Make way, make way for Princess Patty”. The shop owner walked straight to the window and brushed away some webs. He removed the sun faded Oxfords which were front and center. He then carefully placed Patty smack dab in the middle of the window on top of a red velvet box. The work shoes and garden clogs all leaned in a bit to get a glimpse of the new bejewel flats. Patty did not bother to acknowledge any of the peons which seemed to grovel below her. She thought she was suppose to go to Neiman Marcus or Nordstrom and was a little disgusted to be displayed in this insignificant store. “I am designed for lace and galas not for the likes of those that shop here,” She mumbled to herself. She looked down at Ked and then smugly lifted her left heal to prop it on the back of the right thus giving Ked a cold sole.
It had not been five minutes when a limousine pulled up to the window and out stepped a little girl with bouncy curls in her hair. Patty seemed to shine a more radiant shine knowing this was just the type of girl for which she was created. She spoke down to Penny, a brown loafer resting below her, and said, “Here comes my ride. We knew I would never be here long.” Sure enough the girl walked right up to the window and pointed at Patty. Patty was center stage and made sure all those around her knew it. A man in a black suit came in and said, "I would like to buy the black shoes in the window in a size three for Madame Missy." The shop owner walked up to the window snatching up Patty while explaining he had just received these less than five minutes ago. He held the shoes out for the gentleman who looked at Madame Missy. She was already removing her pristine white satin sandals when she said, "Pay the man. I want them now!" The little girl grabbed the shoes out of the owners hand and crammed her foot into them without unfastening the buckle. Money was exchanged and Madame Missy abandoned her white shoes there on the floor. The man with the black suit opened the door for the young girl and she ran outside. She stood still for a moment admiring Patty which was now securely placed on each foot. Patty could only imagine the lush carpets at the mansion, the marble floors at the museums and the daily buffing the maid would surely provide. The little girl lifted her eyes scanned the sidewalk to the right and then turning her head left. Her eyes opened a bit more and she let out a squeal. She had noticed a puddle positioned just under the shoe store window. Ked, Penny and even the Oxfords nearly had their toes against the glass as they watch the girl with Patty on her feet. With bouncing curls and loud squealing Madame Missy ran up to the widow. She lifted both feet simultaneously off the ground and was throwing herself with Patty attached feet first into the two-by-two sidewalk lake. She landed square into the center of the puddle making muddy water splash on the window, on her dress and all over Patty’s lovely shine. All the shoes seemed to hold their breath and lean back to avoid the mess flung in their direction. The loops in the laces were big and round. Their tongue gaped open in ah. No one moved. Then Penny looked over at Ked giving a nudge she said, “Long live the Queen.”
It had not been five minutes when a limousine pulled up to the window and out stepped a little girl with bouncy curls in her hair. Patty seemed to shine a more radiant shine knowing this was just the type of girl for which she was created. She spoke down to Penny, a brown loafer resting below her, and said, “Here comes my ride. We knew I would never be here long.” Sure enough the girl walked right up to the window and pointed at Patty. Patty was center stage and made sure all those around her knew it. A man in a black suit came in and said, "I would like to buy the black shoes in the window in a size three for Madame Missy." The shop owner walked up to the window snatching up Patty while explaining he had just received these less than five minutes ago. He held the shoes out for the gentleman who looked at Madame Missy. She was already removing her pristine white satin sandals when she said, "Pay the man. I want them now!" The little girl grabbed the shoes out of the owners hand and crammed her foot into them without unfastening the buckle. Money was exchanged and Madame Missy abandoned her white shoes there on the floor. The man with the black suit opened the door for the young girl and she ran outside. She stood still for a moment admiring Patty which was now securely placed on each foot. Patty could only imagine the lush carpets at the mansion, the marble floors at the museums and the daily buffing the maid would surely provide. The little girl lifted her eyes scanned the sidewalk to the right and then turning her head left. Her eyes opened a bit more and she let out a squeal. She had noticed a puddle positioned just under the shoe store window. Ked, Penny and even the Oxfords nearly had their toes against the glass as they watch the girl with Patty on her feet. With bouncing curls and loud squealing Madame Missy ran up to the widow. She lifted both feet simultaneously off the ground and was throwing herself with Patty attached feet first into the two-by-two sidewalk lake. She landed square into the center of the puddle making muddy water splash on the window, on her dress and all over Patty’s lovely shine. All the shoes seemed to hold their breath and lean back to avoid the mess flung in their direction. The loops in the laces were big and round. Their tongue gaped open in ah. No one moved. Then Penny looked over at Ked giving a nudge she said, “Long live the Queen.”
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